New relationships are always exciting, intriguing, and passionate. We enjoy spending time with each other and experience fun moments without noticing small behaviors of each other. We may be too enthusiastic for our new love that we pay less attention to establish a good foundation for a long-lasting relationship.
We made a list of 10 early relationship mistakes that can come back to bite you in the future.
10. You’re putting your personal life on hold.
In the beginning of a relationship, we want to spend every waking moment with our new partner — we make ourselves available for all mutual actitivies with our partner, and spend time communicating via text or phone call. We take away intimate moments with families and old friends.
Why it’s bad: It can start off with just giving up certain friends, but then it will move on to switching jobs, moving to another country, or losing contact with your loved ones. It’s getting too late when you notice your loss and unable to repair the relationships that are gone.
How to fix it: Remember that healthy relationships always involve some degree of independence, so try to divide your free time according to the 50-30-20 rule — no more than 50% with your significant other, 30% with your friends and family, and 20% alone.
9. You’re tolerating bad behavior.
There are a lot of red flags that have been ignored or lightened the weight during relationship, and focus on the good aspects. Everyone has flaws and nothing wrong with being positive and supportive. However, ugly signs such as regularly showing up late, or cancelling plans last minute, breaking-up threatening, insensitively commenting on your look, violating your personal space and time, etc are not making any relationship healthier.
Why it’s bad: If you ignore these warning signs of a future toxic relationship for too long, one day you may realize that you’ve invested a lot of your time and energy in someone who’s been treating you badly for years.
How to fix it: Making it clear but don’t be demanding and fussy. Start by expressing politely your thoughts and opinions, such as “I can’t stand it when someone is always late,” or “I’d like our dates to be just you and me.” If this doesn’t work, stick with your own standards and move on.
8. You’re recalling your past experience.
Let’s bygones be bygones. Carrying the past to the present is never recommended to have a healthy relationship. It can be mentioning about your exes, making comparison, remaining the old bad habits from previous relationships, doubting yourself and your current partner… If you find yourself doing that constantly, something needs to be done.
Why it’s bad: Mentioning your ex too often can be really annoying to your partner. They might start comparing themselves to your previous lovers and this will ruin your relationship. Plus, if you continuously judge your partner against the people who came before them, it could be a sign that you’re creating impossibly high standards.
How to fix it: Your past relationships are important in that they shaped the person you are today and can help you understand what qualities you value in another person. But you should remember the golden rule: “Never talk about your exes until you feel secure in your current relationship.”
7. You’re not talking to each other.
Spending quality time and communicating to each other are secrets of happy and long-lasting relationship. Unfortunately, many people believe that their partners can actually read their minds. This is one of the most common yet serious mistakes amongst dating period and couples.
Why it’s bad: Being afraid of conflict and arguments, we may try not to be direct about what we think. However, lack of communication is a root cause of misleading feelings, confusion and misunderstanding. And any unresolved negative feelings are going to turn into resentment over time.
How to fix it: In the beginning, it might be difficult and uncomfortable to speak up about your desires and complaints, but it’s crucial that you do this. To make a relationship last, be honest with your partner about what you’re looking for. Don’t forget to listen to their side as well — the ideal situation is when you’re able to find a perfect balance between speaking and listening.
6. You’re idealizing your partner.
A common complains about partners is they are not as perfect as we expected. But
we are all human and we all make mistakes sometimes. However, some people tend to forget about it during their honeymoon period and keep an ideal expectation about their partners. Things are revealed along the time with heartbreaks and tears.
Why it’s bad: Putting your partner on a pedestal will only set you up for disappointment in the future when you see that your significant other is just a human being, exactly like you.
How to fix it: Focus on small daily things, such as life routines and habits, how they treat other people, how they handle anger and disappointment — with their friends, family, waiters at restaurants, and so on.
5. You’re pretending to be someone else.
We always want to seem better than we are, so we tend to keep the not-so-great qualities of ours under wraps for as long as we can, but we know that this can’t last forever. We also think that all of our little white lies won’t affect our relationship at all, so we slightly bend the truth just to please our partner or avoid conflict. And then we start wondering what we’ve done wrong.
Why it’s bad: Keeping secrets from your loved one and lying to them from the very start can only build up bigger lies. If your new relationship is based on lies, it will most likely crumble because your connection was built on falsehoods.
How to fix it: Every relationship needs honesty, trust, respect and understanding. It’s not obligation to report to the other person every minute of your life but sharing major life events is important. It creates a deeper level of understanding and vulnerabilities to be sympathized. However, if you feel guilty for not sharing about something, it’s a secret you are better off sharing.
4. You’re trying to control your partner.
The need of controlling your partner’s life is an obvious sign of trust issues. It shows by feeling and acting jealous, controlling daily activities and manipulating thoughts, constant messaging and calling if you are not replying immediately, making inappropriate questions when you are out for events…
Why it’s bad: If you want to control or comment on every move the other person makes, your partner may feel that you’re trying to limit their well-established personal world and eliminate the things that are important to them. As a result, you may end up pushing them away.
How to fix it: Remember that you shouldn’t send 2 a.m. texts to your boyfriend or girlfriend just to see how they’re doing. And don’t blow up your partner’s phone every time they don’t respond to your text immediately. Think it over — you are not this person’s parent, if he or she is a grown adult, treat them like one.
3. You’re ignoring the major differences.
It’s typically being missed during the first phrase of a relationship. However,
Having similar core values is crucially important for a long-lasting and healthy relationship. Religion, belief, morality, education, family background, career and life direction, money habits form our personalities and any sign of violations to our core values should not be tolerant.
Why it’s bad: Even though you like the same music and enjoy spending time with each other, things like this can be more about passion and not about a similar worldview. But passion can’t last forever, and you’ll have to check out your partner’s values sooner or later. If you find major differences between your own core values and the ones of your partner, your relationship just won’t work.
How to fix it: In order to prevent disappointment in the following phases of your relationship and to not waste your time on a soon-to-be-dead love affair, take some time to discuss these things before you move forward.
2. You’re being too clingy.
When it comes to a new relationship, you always try to build a strong connection with your significant other. You are happy to be with your partner all the times, in all the activities, as you think the more quality time, the stronger of the relationship. But in certain situations, you may risk becoming too needy or clingy, especially with someone that two of you do not know each other well and still take some time to adapt in relationship.
Why it’s bad: Not giving your partner some space without you, is only going to create space between the 2 of you. They might start feeling as though you’re smothering them, and this may lead to unexpected behavior from their side, including turning to other people and even cheating.
How to fix it: People need space and you should understand that. So if you really want your relationship to work in the long run, continue to be the confident and independent person you were before meeting your partner.
1. You’re moving too fast.
New relationships can move at a whirlwind speed — at first you get butterflies in your stomach every time you’re with that new special someone and then you can’t help but fantasize about your future together as a couple. But if you start picturing your future children, pets, and the house you’ll live happily ever after in, slow down immediately.
Why it’s bad: commitment at the early stage of the relationship can create a lot of unnecessary pressure on a new relationship and your girlfriend or boyfriend simply might get scared off. Furthermore, moving too fast can cause you to miss the journey and all the little things you can enjoy in the beginning of your relationship.
How to fix it: It’s totally fine to be a bit traditional and slow down with certain relationship steps. They are necessary in order for you to really get to know each other. Journalling and keep some sweet memories of your first night out, first make out session, first argument, first out-of-town trip — those are the memories that worthy to be treasured while discovering all the hidden sides of your partner’s personality.